Tumultuous Lexicon

Since childhood, we (as in my gang of close friends and I) were men of simple taste. Being from middle class families and brought up in a no fun city like Delhi (0 Rs. = 0 Fun) meant that our sources of recreation were quite limited. Making the situation grimmer was the ever present fear in our heads to do well at studies and excel at engineering entrances, even if it meant letting go of all other hobbies and leisure activities. Although these activities were not much, mostly cricket, books, television and daydreaming, but they were the only available means to derive pleasure. Well, this post is not about regretting the limited amusement resources we had in our school days but to celebrate what we did with the little at our disposal. The credit for most of it goes to Aman though, for he is the creative mind behind what I want to discuss. As the topic suggests I am referring to the conversations and the underlying language that we came up with which had become our new source of laughter and fun in whatever free time we got or even when we came together for something more serious (atleast per our folks!). I still remember how we spent hours (and sometimes days) at each other’s homes working on assignments, projects or just hanging out and pretending to study while we were dishing out fresh words and sentences using our new found grammar while simultaneously wiping tears of laughter.

For the prudence of incumbents, the language was a bit vulgar but never in the same taste as to what people think of when they discuss Delhi and its inhabitants. I know it’s a vulgar city especially for women and even though it is the capital of the country, its still one of the most hypocritical societies around. That has basically left a gap between the male and female populace which studies together in various schools within the city but tends to fail in growing up as a properly mixed, friendly and mutually respectful social group. Coming back to my topic, although we were in such surroundings and the lingo we devised was a bit vulgar, it was never used disgracefully against any specific person or a particular sex as such. It was always limited to usage between us friends and was understood to be a source of merry times only! But boy did we laugh and enjoy speaking that tongue…..in fact we still do when ever we talk online, on the phone or in person. It is something which connects us, making us feel special within the company of close friends.

I know you readers are getting impatient as to what is this lingo that I keep talking about over and over again. Well folks, I am extremely sorry to say that I can’t disclose the nature of this secret code of communication. It’s not just about breaking an unspoken pact between my friends but it’s also about the shock that might set upon when you imagine me uttering such words. So let’s just close this conversation by summing up that it is my special remembrance from childhood while in retrospect other kids got parties, cultural activities, dating and expensive sports which for us looked good only on TV. Even if it sounds ridiculous when compared to such activities, I can assure you that it meant the best laughs in the world to us. Truly amazing what an undying need could do in terms of pushing your creativity and self expression!

Tormenting Polarities

We are constantly fighting a mental war deep inside our minds, a war between the complete and the incomplete picture. I am sure we all have read or heard numerous expressions which state that living a meaningful life means living in the moment, enjoying what you have today or have been blessed with and stop wondering about what it could have been had certain things worked out differently. We know how true that is and how it makes complete sense in a perfect world! But the point is we don't live in a perfect world, we are not ideal humans....atleast not the most of us!

There is a constant desire in all of us to imagine how things would be if a few ideal events occurred and you get what you always wanted badly. Wouldn't it make your life beautiful? Winning the lottery you bought......getting a ‘yes’ from your dream girl whom you proposed to or simply your wish to visit that fancy restaurant more often! It puts you in a constant state of gazing as to how exquisite everything would seem after that......but only if it had happened. Following are a few suggestions for people who are in a similar state of disarray between these polar ends and are looking for some feeder thoughts, mind you this is not a guiding light but only some words put together that make sense to me after going through similar instances and introspecting on them carefully-

1. It is not, and I repeat NOT, a sin to think of how things would be in an ideal scenario
2. Why?...well first of all because you can!!!
3. Secondly, dreams and hopes are quintessential drivers that feed our imagination and creativity. So choose wisely!
4. Thirdly, without those dreams of perfect worlds and with your imbibed sense of full contention, you will most certainly lose the drive to move ahead in life
5. In order to be progressive you need goals, and these ideal/perfect dreams give you goals to meet and efforts to dispense
6. But…..remember that getting carried away and becoming overtly obsessive are the common side effects of doing the same
7. You have to be cautious that greed and impatience don’t overcome you. The first when things start getting a bit too easy for you to achieve and the second when it starts getting harder every day to bring the pieces together into a single frame

At the end of it all, mistakes are always expected …… but if you don’t try, would it be worth calling yourself human? Life is all about trying and failing….that’s where the fun is…….once you succeed there’s no fun for that goal’s been achieved and the objective stricken off….there’s nothing more to keep you challenged. Hence, its time to move on and dig a new hole to fill……

Truce with Life....

Have been struggling with this idea for a long time.......Why are the simple things in life which we want the most and so easily can have/pursue still so superficially elusive from us?

We want to visit a particular place, but we shoot it down once the planning and financing of a trip comes to the table. We want a new TV, or any latest gadget but we’d rather put that thought away in favor of saving today for a better tomorrow. I know most of it is common consumer behavior, especially with durable goods…………but what about the other precious things in life? Why have we adopted the same strategy when we think about meeting people, spending a few precious moments with them or just a silent togetherness which is undoubtedly irreplaceable? Why has our society imposed on each and every one of us this judgment criterion which is common across all entities and so is a true farce in itself?

Too many questions……with very limited answers. I struggle with similar choices every day, not sure if others encounter it as often. Although the best answer is to give up thinking and just get through the day, for when the night sets in you forget it all and doze off dreaming. There is still some value in thinking about it and trying to understand why we are how we are….and what does that imply on our lives eventually when we turn and look back towards the end. I have been made to realize multiple times that time in itself is the hardest test we’ll ever take and people who do well in it, are the ones who know what they (themselves) really want in that moment and not what others want from them.

A typical phase is where I am in life currently, while I was in India for a long time I never had many reasons to stay put and build something valuable there. So I came half way across the globe only to realize that now I have stronger connections than ever which are pulling me back. Since there are other dynamics and choices in play, I am avoiding the process of making this choice for now…..just like I explained in the last paragraph. I wish I could take a stance, just think clearly about what I want and then do it irrespective of what comes next as its repercussion……………for life is made of the moments we live now and not of the moments we plan to live tomorrow.

Turbulence in Life!

I am sure nobody reads this blog, mainly because I don't write anything out here........but I guess its time that I start writing and expressing myself just a little bit more. I always wanted to write, but have been constantly bogged down by my shortcomings, i.e. laziness and grammar!!

Life has been pretty turbulent during the past few months. I have gone through so much that it deserves a formal notation here. First of all, what needs mention is that I met that special person I have been waiting for a long time. She's the absolute opposite of me......and that's what makes her perfect! She's funny, beautiful, has the best smile around, never holds back a laughter or a tear, is sensitive but is also understanding and matured in her special way. She's a child at heart and that's what attracts me to her the most, unlike me who has been a matured/aged old man right from his childhood.

Being with her (or rather just talking to her for now) is the most pleasant experience I have ever had. Talking to her makes me feel warm and cozy, allows me to forget whatever bad/forgettable has happened till now......rather surrounds me with the countless possibilities of joy and ecstasy in the near future!!! I love her squeaky voice, her passion to dance and her generosity and care for every individual close to her. There are only a few people who still carry such virtues with them, and they are meant to be treasured. That is pretty much what I am trying to do ..... i.e. making sure she's treasured!!

There are so many roadblocks in my way before I could really make our future of being together come true. I do get deterred every now and then that maybe I got her at the wrong time and things might not turn out the way I want them to, but then I remember a few words a good friend of mine told me once ---- "Things keep changing cyclically....from good to bad to good again....you can't control that process....what you can control are the things that do not change........like who you are, what you believe in and the person you entrust your love in". Keeping that in mind I believe that no matter how hard things might become, I have to maintain the bottom three things in that list and everything else will just flow by me.........

Looking back.....

'How do we look back at what has gone by in our lives? How do we perceive the past?'

They say looking back is important, for reflection and retrospection. When I look back today on what has gone by and what I have done so far...or in other words lived so far, life seems to have been a mixed bag of all possible colors.

A chill runs does my spine when I look back at my professional life. It can only be summed up as a sketchy effort all along, be it for any important examination or any competition that I appeared for. Even when I was prepared for the test of the blade, all I could ever manage was a close shave but never a clean one :-) Sometimes my luck failed me, and most of the times I helped myself.

Anyway, lets skip the hollering and come to the summarization of what has been good!!......I have been blessed with the most supportive parents who have never let their expectations burden my performance, the combination becomes deadly when paired with a bunch of helpful and generous brothers and sisters. But I have to confess that the friends that I found on various stages of my life have played a formidable role in helping me through those tough times and building character. My school gang, who have been 'THE' sources of inspiration and camaraderie right from my junior years till date.

I was nearly kicked out of my college for being lost in a separate world all the time; all was lost until I bumpd into my 'to be' gang at college who redefined the term 'sincerity' to me and took me on a journey of hard work and dedication. The circle of friends at HBTI has been the 'I Ching' of my life. In fact the list is endless if I start naming people from my college days who left a mark on my character, taught me the ups and downs and the realities of life.......people like Safaya need no mention, their pure hearts need no assurance.

Lets come back to the critical point then.......how do we look back at what has gone by in our lives? Do we accept it as our fate, the good and the bad and keep moving; or should we take it all as preparation for .... the final encounter!..the crown of all hurdles!....the master of all chances!.....which, some say, comes only once in a lifetime. Most of us abstain from that chance either due to the fear of failure or else we venture and fail as we did not take a lesson from what we've been through.........

The Beginning....

Hello People,

Let me start my journey here with the consecrated quote which defines my quest in this life...

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear, nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God, and have somewhat hastily concluded that it is the chief end of man here to "glorify God and enjoy him forever."

...words from this quote of beloved Henry D. Thoreau, formed the famous starting excerpt of Dead Poet's Society.

Just like a farmer harrows his land, whenever I feel the need to question my deeds (I am a thorough believer of rebirth!!), I recall this quote and it helps me realize my mandate in the campaign called 'LIFE'.

see you guys soon.........